Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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