Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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