Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
