Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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