I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Enjoy the penises
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
