i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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