My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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