I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He shit in the fireplace
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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