One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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