I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
