I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
