we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
