The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
