you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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