What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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