I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
