Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
