doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
