If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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