summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
