Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
