You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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