you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
