Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
worst night to have a conscience
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
