Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
