hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it glows. i had to have it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
