do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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