Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
