he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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