I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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