I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
