too bad you live with your parents still
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
