Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
