highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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