maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
