Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
