i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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