What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
