i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
