Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
