I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Never joke about your clitoris.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
