No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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