turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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