Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Porn is love you can see.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
