oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
