***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's blow job season.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
