theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
