yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
