i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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