im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
