i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
