This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
