Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
